Disclaimer: This is a journal entry that I wrote in the very beginning stages of creating this blog. I am sharing this very raw entry because it is truly what I hear in my mind. While I do still hear these lies, I am learning that I am strong than my thoughts. I am strong than the inner narrative I have for myself.
I am writing this in the wee hours of the morning because I can’t sleep and my negative self talk is filling my brain with words that hurt my spirit. The hardest thing about this blog is not content, I have a lot to say about my experience with mental health in the Filipino community. My biggest obstacle is myself, the negative self talk screaming at me all day long. There have been many nights that my mind fills with so much negativity that I didn’t want to create this blog. I have spent more time pushing through all of those thoughts that at times, I nearly want to call it quits. I know the information in my mind needs to be shared because I KNOW there are others hurting who can no speak for themselves.
Have you ever spoken to a person who is trying to manage their mental health and they say they are so exhausted from the day? Even if they haven’t “done much”? The reason they feel so exhausted is because they were battling the lies their mental health has fed them for years. These lies have become what they believe for themselves. What I believe of myself.
I am my own worst enemy. I am my own worst best friend. If I were to say the things I say to myself outloud, well you wouldn’t believe them. So I’ve decided to write them here because deep in my heart, I know they aren’t true.
What my mind tells me:
- This is stupid. NO one is going to read this.
- What you say isn’t important.
- This isn’t even good content.
- You are wasting time and money.
- Who told you this was even a good idea.
- This is awful. Just stop now.
- You will not succeed. You will fail like everything else in your life.
- No one cares.
- What you say don’t matter. It won’t help.
Challenge your thoughts
Awful right? Like down right hurtful, cruel, insensitive. I know — these statements are not true — my voice matters; and what I have to say needs to be heard. When my head fills with this horrendous self talk, I force myself through an exercise my therapist taught me:
- Acknowledge your thoughts
- These thoughts exist in your mind and they are real. Don’t dismiss them.
- Know you have power over your thoughts
- Your thoughts have power but you are even more powerful over your thoughts.
- Speak truth statements – words of affirmation
- I am a child of God.
- I am worthy.
- I am fearless
- I will help someone with my journey
- What I have to say matters
- God knows my heart
- Make a choice of what you would like to do once you have spoken truth into your life.
- Know that these thoughts are temporary and they have no hold on you.
- Choose to move forward and challenge those negative thoughts
- The more you challenge the negative thoughts, the more they will not have a hold on you. It takes practice but over time, it does work.
Standing in The Word
Why is this important? I want you to know that you matter. God placed you on this earth because he has a purpose for your life. You are enough. These tests in your life will be a testimony. The mess you feel your life is, will be a message for others. You are so loved and wanted. I am here for you because you matter to me.
When I am consumed by negative thoughts and feelings, I blast my favorite worship music. So if you see me in my minivan and I’m rocking out to some worship music, its because I’m reminding myself who’s I am.
I have embedded two of my favorite songs right now. I hope it helps you wherever you are.
What do you do when your mind is consumed with negative self talk? Comment below. I’d love to hear it!
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