Believing in me

The last 10 days have been rough on me – mentally. I have been dealing with balancing all of my commitments – required and volunteer – and unspoken expectations – of myself. To be very honest, there were many times when I had intrusive thoughts going through my mind and that is when I knew I need to shift my focus on tangible aspects of my life. Do not be alarmed, I am in a safe mental space, not a harm to myself or others and have supportive individuals around me.

The reason I am sharing this raw part of me is because this is what happens when you challenge a belief system that no longer serves you. Your brain wants to fight you tooth and nail because it 100% believes that the current belief system is the only truths in your life. So I am challenging myself and it hasn’t been going well.

HOWEVER, today I woke up feeling empowered and ready to tackle today’s challenges. What changed? My mindset. I allowed myself to feel all the feelings and move through them. Then I talked myself through those feelings, acknowledging that these beliefs have kept me safe for 39 years of my life BUT they are no longer helping me evolve into the best version of myself. They have helped me survive but not thrive. Friends, I want to thrive and be the best version of myself. This transformation will be the hardest thing I will ever do for myself but I know it will be worth it.

So if you are struggling through a transformation, know you are not alone. You will get through it because you are strong, courageous, and capable.

Doing it all

I have been asked how I manage to ‘do it all’ with of my all the current responsibilities – required and volunteered. In addition to managing a large family and their daily lives, I also volunteer in multiple ministries at church; work part time remotely for a software consulting company; run a blog utilizing multiple social media platforms; enrolled in a 6 month certification program (and graduated as of April 2020); launching multiple project/business ventures at the beginning of the year; dating my husband; hangout with friends; and all the while making my self care a priority. 

WHAT!?! Yea when I list all the things I have my hands in, its overwhelming to see.

Do you have the same 24 hours in a day that I do? ABSOLUTELY.

Here’s the biggest secret – I DO NOT DO IT ALL. Over the past year, I have had to create an environment for myself to work towards a life I want to live. This new lifestyle isn’t perfect. I still need to tweak things but overall I feel like I am living more authentically now than ever. Yes, I am going to share how I’ve done that. It’s not complicated, expensive, or unattainable. It’s not even really an exact formula.

Here is how I’ve created “more time”:

  • I have voiced my aspirations, goals, and dreams to my family.
  • I have limited my time on screens for entertainment purposes.
  • I hold space for myself to rest.
  • I give myself grace when things don’t go my way.

I will expand on these bullet points in hopes it given you ideas of how to prioritize your time even more. Again, I am no expert on time management but I want you to know that there is time for you to do what you dream about. You are capable and equip with everything you need to create the life you desire. 

Be intentional

In order to “make time” for the goals I want to attain, I needed to be more intentional with my time. For me that means limiting my time on social media, watching tv, and falling down the rabbit hole that is YouTube. I realized once I decided that I wanted to start my blog that I needed to prioritize time for creating content, learning how to scale my blog and engagement. It hasn’t been easy. There have been many late nights as well as short spurts of time that I intentionally use to benefit all that I am attempting to accomplish in one given day. 

Fo example, as I edit this post, I am sitting on the floor in the Phoenix Convention Center while my oldest walks through the college fair asking all the questions she wants. I’m here as moral support even if she doesn’t need me to walk around with her. She has vocalized that she would like me here but would like to walk to fair alone. So I brought my laptop and charger with me to utlize my time while allowing her the time she needs. I brought a charger for my phone so the toddler can watch his favorite shows if he become extremely irritable – which is often – and snacks because everyone – except me – gets hangary. Yes, I know it sounds crazy but it works.

Cut myself some slack

Creating an intentional life takes time and a lot of work – physically, emotionally, and mentally. I am learning new concepts and beliefs. Which in turn means that I must let go of old concepts and belief systems that no longer benefit me. This is no easy feat. In fact its probably the hardest part of this journey. I must allow myself the time to let go of concepts, expectations, and beliefs I have about myself. These belief systems have been an integral part of how I have succeeded and failed in life. It takes time to change. I’ve accepted this transformation will probably take the rest of my life and that is OK. Moving forward is better than staying stagnant and unhappy. 

I have also allowed myself time to rest and reset. Yes that means naps and breaks from creating content, doing homework, and replying to emails for work. This is a marathon not a race! So I must be realistic with my mental and physical capabilities. If I am exhausted, I am not able to adequately write social media posts and blog post. I won’t have the energy to attend networking events and coaching sessions. Rest is essential. I have learned to listen to my body to take breaks and be ok with being still. 

Letting go of mom guilt

When I first pitched the idea of a blog to my immediate and extended family, I was nervous about their belief in my abilities and fear of judgement. Little did I know that my family was extremely supportive of anything and everything I aspired to do. I am very blessed in that sense because there are others who are not so lucky. Once I knew I had their support, I had to voice my concerns on what I needed to succeed. You see, my mom guilt is a very prevalent feeling I have at all times. I had to let go of that guilt and listen to the true statements my family was saying. 

“I believe in you.”

“Go for it.”

“I will support you.”

Once I believed in factual statements instead of mom guilt, I was able to inch towards my goals. It hasn’t been easy letting go of the guilt. It’s a daily practice but I am getting better at it. One of my teens recently expressed that I exude more self confidence lately. I asked her to tell me what she sees and she says I seem more “sure of myself”. It was nice to hear – especially from a teenager, my teenager – that I am externalizing the confidence I have in myself.

Here is the affirmation I have given myself when I have extreme mom guilt is:

I am a great mom and I can…

  • be a successful business owner.
  • a devoted wife.
  • a flawed Christ follower.
  • make mistakes.
  • encourage others as a Mindset Coach.
  • create a safe space for other’s to heal from generational trauma.
  • be a mental health advocate.
  • serve my community.
  • help other moms find their worth outside of motherhood.
  • live my life, unapologetically.

Moving forward with grace

As with any change, there will be uncomfortable transitional periods. I am constantly reminding myself that it’s ok for things not to be perfect and that there is no expectation but to try. The house will be ok even if it’s not as tidy as it usually is. Those important to me understand that my attention is occupied for only a period of time. Most importantly, I am capable of all I would like to accomplish. Extending grace to myself is not easy but I know it’s necessary in order to move forward with change.

Small steps forward

My biggest secret to getting to where I am today, taking small courageous steps forward. YES! It may sound simple but it is absolutely true. I didn’t get here today by sure luck, I have worked tirelessly on days and evenings when I didn’t feel like it would matter. What I’ve learned is every small step forward matters. Each of those steps have brought me to the next incredible opportunity and the next lead for a client. It all matters!

Give yourself permission

I would love for you to dream big.


Your dreams, aspirations, goals, and life purpose do not have an expiration date. Let me say that again.

Your dreams, aspirations, goals, and life purpose do not have an expiration date.

I want to offer you permission to move closer to your life purpose.

If you had all the time, money, and resources in the world:

  • What would you be doing right now?
  • How would you accomplish it?
  • What small step can you do today to move closer to that?

You will find a permission slip graphic to the right. Click on it. Download it, type/write down what you give yourself permission to do, and tag me on all social media platforms – @thefilipinomom.

It’s happening!!!

I interrupt this regularly schedule blog post to announce our first sticker pack!

Guys, this is insane!!! I have tried to keep this news under wraps for as long as I possibility could. I can NOT contain my excitement any longer.

Proceeds from this sticker pack will go directly to my American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) – Out of the Darkness Walk. I am so excited for you to see it and donate to an amazing cause so close to my heart.

sneak peek

If you are not a sticker collector or would like to donate directly to my team page, click here. My goal is $500 and every dollar counts! If you are able, please visit my page and donate generously. 

I will only have a limited amount of stickers, so if you want one, contact me ASAP. An official post of how to purchase this pack will be announced on Thursday, but for now. Do a happy dance with ME!!!

It’s not just you – Empathetic mom

This post is part of a series on sharing individuals stories to help others realize, they are not alone. If you haven’t read the introduction to this series, please start here.

I was never aware of how much my mental health impacted the quality of life I had on a day to day a basis. Growing up, I had never heard of another person being diagnosed with depression and anxiety and so for most of my life I felt really alone. It wasn’t until a few years ago, when I started seeing a professional therapist, that I really understood the weight of depression and how it impacted every inch of my life. My therapist sent me to see a physiatrist where I was prescribed Prozac and for the first time (probably ever) I felt like I could breathe a little easier.  Is this long enough, I didn’t count the words? And please let me know where to add and take away! 
As a mother, depression threw on this huge weight of pain and worry in every scenario and it always feels like I’m drowning in a huge ocean and frantically looking for a life raft.  I’ve allowed fear and anxiety to rule and dictate every behavior and every choice that I’ve ever made. On some days, this has resulted in me screaming at my child because she forgot to lock the door if she was left home alone, because I was so afraid someone would come inside and kidnap her. In other ways, depression manifests in ways like complete disconnection from the world around me. Everything feels too hard to accomplish. Sometimes it takes everything out of me to roll over and get out of bed to drive my daughter to school. The hardest part is the days when she’s talking and sharing something with me and I can’t stay engaged. And to her it looks like I don’t care. But, all I want to do is care. But, everything seems too far away. Like this life doesn’t even matter. Sometimes, I have to give myself space away from other people and enforce healthy boundaries like not taking on more tasks than I can handle. I’ve had to learn to say no to participating in many different social activities at my daughter’s school or at work.  The great thing about knowing the lord and having depression is that God has been able to provide an amazing community to walk through life with. Opening up about my mental illness has opened this door to vulnerability that has allowed others to feel safe enough to walk through. I’ve come across some amazing godly mothers (some who take medication, some who don’t) who all support each other in remembering God’s truth in the moments of great suffering. Having this community has helped me to remember that I’m not alone, and that God understands my hurt and pain. Even more so, it’s given me accountability to prioritize being apart of bible studies and Sunday school classes. Because in the moments, when it is just you sitting before your depression and listening to the lies of this world, God uses his word to pierce through the darkness. It shines a light, as if to keep leading me, reminding me, that this is all temporary.  Because of my mental illness, I’m more observant. I care deeply for my child who may or may not be living a life with the same challenges. I’ve found that I’m more prayerful but also much more trusting of the Lord with my child. I’ve learned that I have no control over how I feel, or how she feels but that God is still able to work through any circumstance for His glory. I’m made a choice to educate myself much more about different mental illnesses and to also share what I learn with my family members. And my biggest take away is that I see the Lord shaping me to be more gracious. To understand that not every behavior is what is appears to be on the surface and to give grace to my family members who may also be fighting the same battles.