Wife of a recovering addict: Part 3 – Recovering codependent

This is part of a series: Wife of a Recovering Addict. If you haven’t read the introduction, click here to catch up!

Hi! My name is Maryann. I am the a daughter of the King of Kings. My current struggles are people pleasing and codependency. I also have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

If you have ever attended an Al Anon meeting or Celebrate Recovery meeting, my statement above is a normal way to introduce yourself. It allows me to accept my flaws and move towards more healthy habits/boundaries as well as state that I am a believer in Christ. One of my unhealthy habits is being a codependent, also known as a people pleaser. It is still something I struggle with today but I have learned how to navigate the feelings and thoughts around this boundary in a way that still allows me to fill my cup – as they say – with desires, interests, and passions. 

Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.

Psych Central

All the things

My entrepreneurial spirit has caused me to have my hands in many things. Not only do I create content for this blog and its corresponding social media platforms but I also run my own business, Maryann Clark Coaching: Radiate Life, and co-host a podcast – Filipino Momcast. I also serve in our home church in as a certified discussion group leader for our MOPS (Mother’s of Preschoolers) mom’s group, co-led Moms for Mental Health, and community outreach. Oh yes, my everyday life also includes managing a home and relationships with my husband, five kids, two dogs, 2 hamsters, 1 cane toad, and 1 sulcata tortoise. Eeeekkk!

When I list everything out it is no wonder I am exhausted all the time. To be truthful, prior to the pandemic, I was serving in more church ministries. I love serving our community but with the pandemic, I had to be truthful with my true capacity was/is especially as I supported my kids, husband, and myself mentally. I’ve honestly said ‘no’ more this year and its been hard but I know its for the best. Understanding how much I can juggle physically and even more important – mentally – has been my greatest challenge.

I never want to let anyone down, cause them to not like me or make someone upset. These are the symptoms of my codependency – making everyone around me feel comfortable even if I feel extremely uncomfortable. If these sentiments feel very familiar to you, you may need to learn how to say ‘NO’.

Enabling

In Celebrate Recovery, I learned that my codependency and people pleasing was a destructive behavior that enabled my husband to continue his addiction. I know enabling isn’t a common term to understand especially if you haven’t heard the term before. So I will try and explain it to you in the best way I know how.

enable – give (someone or something) the authority or means to do something.

Oxford Dictionary
  • What was I enabling?
    • My husband’s drug addiction.
  • How was I enabling?
    • I was allowing him to continue the unhealthy behavior because I didn’t want to cause a fight or create any type of rift between us.
    • I didn’t follow through with boundaries that I set for our relationship when it came to drug use. I would it to continue to happen.
  • Why was I enabling him?
    • I was enabling him because of past childhood needs that weren’t met. I learned through recovery, that my unhealthy codependency and people pleasing was a way for me to ensure that I ‘felt’ loved from him even if it went against my moral code. Since we have kids together, I wanted to create an environment that had a traditional dual parent household even if that meant that I wasn’t standing up for myself and my children. I just wanted to be validated, loved, and accepted – at all costs. Which was unhealthy, damaging to my mental health, and to ruining our marriage.

The art of saying ‘NO’  

Did you know that the word ‘NO’ is a complete sentence. I learned that and I was floored! In the beginning of my recovery. I had a really, really hard time stating what my boundaries were in our relationship.

A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends . . . The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you.

Positivepsychology.com

The hardest part about setting boundaries is the reaction you will be receiving from setting that boundary. Know you don’t – I repeat do not – have to change your boundary just because someone reacted in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. The boundary is for you not for others. My greatest fear what that if I said what I truly felt, my husband would leave. At the same time, I knew wholeheartedly that his drug addiction would ruin us if I didn’t hold fast to my boundaries.

Here are my boundaries:

  • If you use again, I will take the kids and leave.
  • You must get help for your addiction for us to stay married.
  • You have to look within yourself for the reason you are using for us to continue to stay married.

My boundaries weren’t unreasonable. They were what was best for our family. The person who had the hardest time was me because I was terrified he would no longer love me but he stayed. We both stayed. We went to recovery meeting weekly and worked our own programs. Recovery saved our marriage. It continues to save our marriage today.

If any of this resonates with you, I want you to know that you are not alone. I am sharing my side of our story because our story isn’t unique. While some partners aren’t addicted to drugs, there may be other unhealthy consuming behaviors damaging your relationship. While it may seem impossible to put up a boundary in fear of guilt or shame, know that you are doing the best for you and possibility your family. This behavior needs to be address and your partner needs help.

Resources

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
AA Meetings in your area
Celebrate Recovery meetings in your area

Pandemic dilemmas

Let’s just address the elephant in the room. We are in a full blown pandemic and it doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon. So celebrations will look different right now. Everything looks different this year. To be honest, we will probably be in this season until the end of 2021. So learning how to clearly state your what you are comfortable or what your boundaries are during this season is very important especially for your mental health.

This year has taught me how to choose what functions, events, and meetings I will say ‘no’ to. It hasn’t been an easy to say that simple sentence. ‘NO’, triggers all of my codependent feelings and thoughts. So I have learned to say a simple statement that I use on a regular basis –

“My plate is full right now.”

This statement allows me to put a boundary while still giving a vague explanation of what my schedule is like right now. Truthfully, we don’t need to explain ourselves. Like I said, ‘No’ is a complete sentence. It may be obvious why we aren’t gathering right now and if others can’t respect your boundaries – that is not your problem.

I know in the Filipino culture, it is frowned upon to say ‘no’. Moreover, boundaries are more of a western concept so learning to politely decline isn’t always easy. As it is part of the bayanihan spirit to always lend a helping hand. I have lived my life this way for as long as I can remember – helping those around me. I have also taught my kids the bayanihan spirit and they are the type of kiddos who will always lend a helping hand. This collectivist culture has its benefit as we will always help other but it can also be hard to set boundaries on what we can help with because it is ok to say ‘no’. 

Bayanihan. Pronounced like “buy-uh-nee-hun,” bayanihan is a Filipino word derived from the word bayan meaning town, nation, or community in general. “Bayanihan” literally means, “being a bayan,” and is thus used to refer to a spirit of communal unity and cooperation1.

Questions to ask yourself

I have learned over the last few years questions to ask myself before I commit to another event/function/meeting. The next time an opportunity arises and you are presented a function you are unsure, please ask yourself the following questions:

  • Are we still in a pandemic?
    • If the answer is yes, please follow CDC and state guidelines. This is the only way we can mitigate the spread of the virus.
  • If I do this [insert event/function/meeting here] am I ok with missing [family time/self care time/etc here]?
    • If the answer is no, then do not commit to the event/function/meeting
  • Is my answer an absolute ‘YES’?
    • If not, it’s a no. You will hold resentments towards the individual who invited you. 
    • The Christ Follower caveat to this is to listen to what God has told you about this event and if it is in line with His promises. His promptings will always be in line with His Word.
  • What am I willing to give up if I commit to [event/function/meeting here]?
    • Again, if its a ‘no’ then don’t do it. 

There are many versions on these questions but you generally get the point. Sometimes saying no means sacrificing time with those most important to you and most of the time, I am not ok with doing that. So I will decline the invitation. I recently decline an opportunity to lead a women’s bible study table as well as attend a women’s bible study at a friend’s home. I politely decline the first invitation but agreed to the second invitation. Committing myself to the second invitation proved to be too much for my schedule, so halfway through the bible study, I politely removed myself from the group. It was not an easy decision and I don’t regret the interactions I had with the ladies in the group but I had too many things on my plate (see above) and I was beginning to feel very very overwhelmed. Once I left that group, I was able to focus more on my current obligations.

How to say ‘NO’

This might be an easy thing to say to people but for me it is the hardest sentence to muster. Here are a few ways I have said ‘NO’ in the past few months.

  • I’m sorry my plate is full.
  • I don’t have the mental capacity to add another thing to my schedule right now.
  • My schedule is jam packed right now. I can’t.
  • No but thank you for thinking of me.
  • I am not able to right now but please keep me in the loop for the next opportunity to serve.

Theses statements allowed me to say ‘NO’ in the most polite way possible without disclosing my current schedule as well as my feelings towards the event. I challenge you to use one of these. They work!

I’d love to know what resonated with you the most.

Remember…its ok to NOT be ok. Tomorrow is a new day!


Wife of a recovering addict – part 2: we look just like you

This is part of a series: Wife of a Recovering Addict. If you haven’t read the introduction, click here to catch up!

Chris and I were your typical 1st generation Filipino American couple in the late 90s to early 2000’s. He was bald, listened to Bay Area hip hop, lived in Daly City, and drove an old Toyota Corolla. I wore tube tops or something that showed my mid-section, mastered the black cat eye liner look, lived in Milpitas, listened to Wu-Tang and DMX; and drove an old Toyota Corolla. If you know anything about the Bay Area during that time, you know that basically all the Filipinos lived in two cities – Daly City and Milpitas. Our matchmaking was conceived on an AOL chat room by one of Chris’ friend, Jeff. He had a ‘friend’ who was going to San Jose State and pitched that he needed someone to hangout with. As a newly graduated high schooler, I was open to anything especially meeting a guy from ‘DC’. So we met in my parents’ driveway and went to the every mall in The Bay. From that point on we were inseparable.

At 22 years old, we got married at our home church in San Bruno, California surrounded by our family, friends, and the church congregation. We also dedicated our daughter to the Lord the same day. It was a day full of commitment, hope, and love. Our lives were on the fast track to a large family, we had four kids in a six year span. At one point we had three kids in diapers. I basically breastfed babies for nearly 4 years. I was in the depths of child rearing while Chris worked full time and completed the rest of his bachelor’s degree online. We were both pushing towards a better life for ourselves and our family.

While we looked like everyone else, our lives were anything but ‘normal.’ What people didn’t see was the torment of real life emotions as young adults who were just overwhelmed by life, work, and constant relationship dynamic changes. My day to day was engulfed in keeping tiny humans alive and providing some type of structure. During these formative years, Chris was shouldering the burden of financially providing for six people on a meager salary. We only really saw him for a couple hours on weeknights and a few hours on the weekends. Most nights after work, he looked exhausted but tried his best to spend time with the girls before he sat behind his laptop for the evening to finish his latest course. It was an exhausting season where we didn’t connect on a deeper level of communication.

It was right there

Looking back, there were red flags that indicated Chris was using. Obviously during those early years, I was focused on the four people that depended on me. Chris never really drank alcohol on a normal basis and drugs were something that I never really thought about but the signs were there right in front of my face. There were times when ‘money was missing’ from our joint bank account or somehow we would ‘miscalculated’ our expenses and we were short for the month. It never dawned on me that our money was going to anything else but to our family’s needs. There were also times when I would ask Chris to go to the store. It would take him a long time to find the product at the grocery store and get back home. He used the excuse that the grocery store was overwhelming and it took ‘a long time’ to find the specific thing I was asking for. I chalked this as a ‘normal’ occurrence since he didn’t do the groceries. I was the main grocery runner – ‘of course he would get confused or overwhelmed.’ Why would it be anything else.

We look just like you

An addict isn’t always someone who is homeless, looks grungy or couch surfs from house to house. Most of the time, addicts are people who can carry on a normal life while using on a consistent basis. These individuals are dubbed “high functioning addicts.” These addicts “don’t fit the standard definition of an addict. They may not drink or use drugs every day; they may drink only the finest wines and liquors; and they may have avoided the serious consequences that befall other addicts and their families. Because they don’t fit the stereotype, high-functioning addicts can spend years, even decades, in denial. If they manage a family and career and fulfill their daily responsibilities, they reason, there’s no way they could have a drug or alcohol problem. Even if they acknowledge that they drink or use drugs more than they should, they may feel entitled to indulge as a reward for their hard work.” – Psych Central

While it may be hard to accept a loved one is a high-functioning addict, here are some symptoms of a high-functioning addict:

  • they make excuses for their behavior
  • using more than intended
  • their friends also have an addiction problem
  • appearing ill in the morning
  • losing interests in hobbies

Intervention

As per the advice of American Addiction Center, “if you want the high-functioning addict in your life to get help, discuss your concerns at an appropriate time. Wait until they appear remorseful over bad behavior…not while they are inebriated or recovering from a hangover. If you think it will help, you can also stage an organized intervention where a small group of loved ones can let the addict know how their behavior makes them feel. This should be done calmly, but firmly. Although it is up to the individual to admit they have a problem and seek help, your influence can help steer them in the right direction. Knowing they have people who care about them could be all the motivation they need to seek appropriate treatment.”

Through the years I have had many hard conversations with wives and girlfriends about their significant others’ bad habits. The first question they ask me is always the same – “Are you sure he’s an addict?” My answer is always the same – “You wouldn’t be asking me these questions if you thought otherwise.”

Trust your gut.

Lean into the uncomfortable truth that they need help. Lean into the hard feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment. Reach out to those who have walked this road before because you can’t go through this alone. Just as substance abuse is [usually] a group activity, recovery must be a group effort because we cannot be left to ones’ own will to stay sober. I have added resources to help you support yourself or someone you care about.

Resources

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
AA Meetings in your area
Celebrate Recovery meetings in your area

Remember…It’s ok to NOT be ok. Tomorrow is a new day!

What resonated with you the most in this post? What other information can I provide you to help you?

Join me next time, I will share what Celebrate Recovery looks like for a codependent and how I supported my husband during his relapse.


Behind the design

When I dreamed about this blog, I didn’t have any true aspirations except to shed light on mental health in the Filipino community. I had more anxiety around how my family – nuclear and distant – would view how I was airing my, and inadvertently our families, dirty laundry all over the interwebs. As you may, or may not, know people of color specifically of Asian decent, don’t talk about their struggles or feelings of any kind. Everyone, in my community and culture hid behind unhealthy communication styles: sarcasm, passive-aggressive commentary, gossip, narcissistic invalidation, minimizing of feelings and shaming others for being open about their feelings. Yes, I am guilty of all of these unhealthy behaviors too. I knew I wanted healthier communication skills for my kids. So I began some really hard work.

Was I ashamed of my depression and anxiety? Not anymore

I understand what was at stake when I began to write about my true raw dark feelings but my yearning to heal myself. Giving my kids a fighting chance for healthy conversations around struggle was worth more than the inauthentic persona I portrayed in the past. I wanted to stand in my truth even if it showed all of my imperfections and dispelled every positive but false characteristic people had of me.

I knew something had to change even if I had to go first. That meant possibly standing alone in my truth even if no one stood beside me. I was tired of hiding my depression and anxiety. Talking in secret about my struggles with other family members brought so much shame to something that I knew other’s very close to me struggled with too. The whispers of aunties, cousins, and other relatives were deafening. Yes, I heard the chismis! I understand enough Tagalog to know that some looked down upon my struggles even if they also didn’t face their own mental health issue.

Logo creation

Now that I committed to creating a more transparent persona and the reason why I was embarking on this journey, I wanted a logo that truly encapsulates my purpose. So I set out to a very talented family friend who had her own graphic design business. I sent her my why, colors I gravitated towards and to ensure to spotlight that I am Filipino.

Filipino heritage

Growing up in a predominately Filipino and Vietnamese community, I spent the first eighteen years of my life not seeing the importance of embracing my culture because it was all around me. When I graduated high school and moved all around the Bay Area, I, again, didn’t see the importance of embracing my heritage because it was all around me. I lived in Daly City for a few years, yes lots of Filipinos there. I lived in Redwood City for a several years, not as many Filipinos but the community was diverse. Once we moved farther east to Antioch, I realized that there weren’t as many people of Asian decent. After a couple years, more and more Filipinos migrated to Antioch and the diversity grew. When we decided to move to Arizona, I knew it would be a culture shock because we would be a minority. I never understood what it meant to be a person of color until we moved to the East Valley. (Yes another blog post unpacking this in the near future.) So once I began this blog journey, I knew I had to highlight my Filipino heritage.

In my early years of managing my depression and anxiety, I never found someone that looked like me and had similar cultural nuances. I had found a therapist of color but they still didn’t get the cultural shame that came with talking about my dark feelings. So I decided to be the person I needed years ago and that is how the logo for The Filipino Mom blog was born.

Logo anatomy

With the ever talented Michelle supporting me through this logo process, I knew that whatever she brought to me was going to be amazing. She had given me three proposed logo but this one really stood out to me because it encapsulated everything I was attempting to accomplish with this platform.

With this blog, I want to:

  • help those in the Filipino community find courage in their struggles.
  • know that they are not alone.
  • dispel the stigma around mental health in our community.
  • support those who suffer in silence and to give them hope that there is so much strength in asking for help.
  • begin to change the narrative around the mental health even if it was a difficult subject to talk about.
  • transform the image around the Filipino mom because moms mean well even if they don’t act like it.

Moving forward

Now a year and a half into creating this blog, I have experienced more support from my Filipino community more than ever. I’ve had extremely hard conversations with others in this community who needed someone to validate their feelings. I believe that’s all we want as human beings, is to be seen, understood, and unconditionally supported.

With the need enormous need of support for our community, I know that the work is never going to be finished but I pray that the narrative that I have started has a lasting effect through the future generations. There is so much in store for The Filipino Mom blog! One of the ventures in the immediate future is the official launch of Maryann Clark Coaching and The Filipino Momcast Podcast. Please look out for more information to come. I can’t even believe I’m writing this!!!

Again, thank you for being here to help change the narrative. Not only will you heal yourself but your bravery will heal the future generations.

And remember – it’s ok to NOT be ok. Tomorrow is a new day!


Odd woman out

One year of blogging!!!!

Holy moly cannoli can you believe its already been a year!?!?!

A year ago, I knew this blog would create uncomfortability and an inward angst among the Asian community. I was (and still am) ok with that. I am not here to be a hero – or shero. I didn’t begin this work to be loved by all. If you know anything about the Filipino culture you KNOW that what I am doing goes against all cultural norms. We’ve been taught to stuff down our feelings and pretend everything is ok. Well I’m tired of pretending. I am over silencing my struggles. I’ve made my peace with being the odd
wo-man out. It was time to shed a light on the mental health epidemic even at the expense of my vulnerability.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the amount of support and like minded 1st and 2nd generation Filipinos that supported this journey. When I made this social media presence, I was floored by the amount of direct messages I would receive thanking me for being brave enough to share my story and create space for others to share theirs. I am so thankful for this community and all that it has given me. 

If we’ve had direct message conversations and we’ve never met before in IRL – I’m so proud of you for reaching out to me and being vulnerable. Keep reaching out!

If you’ve never reached out to me, just lurk, and get inspiration from my posts – Hi! Hello. I’m Maryann. Thanks for being here! I’d love to know what you enjoy about my blog and my social media platform. HMU let’s support each other.

If we’ve had IRL conversations where we cry, hug, laugh, and pray together – Hey thanks for being brave enough to talk in public with me. As you know, I’m extremely emotional in person and the fact that you braved all of my facial expressions and tight hugs means a lot.

I hope you continue to vocalize and support each other in our struggles. It is the only way we are going to heal ourselves, our community, and the world. Your voice matters! Thank you for being here. I appreciate you!

Accomplishments

I had no – zero – zilch – expectations for The Filipino Mom blog when I started it. I truly believed that the only people who would read my content would be relatives – to see if I was talking about them. Chismosa! The fact that I have been able to collaborate with so many amazing people and communities in a short amount of time is mind blowing. I am extremely humbled when people reach out and give me a platform to share my story. 

Outward

Many measure success by outward accomplishments. I am absolutely floored by what has been achieved by this blog in such a short amount of time. These stats absolutely humble me in the deepest parts of my heart. The fact that this blog can reach anyone and everyone means that anything is truly possible. 

Here are a few stats that I am extremely proud of for this blog:

Inner

I am most proud of the inner work I have overcome in the past year. While inner work is not an observable value others can visibly measure, my personal growth has benefited my everyday life in ways that extend farther than just myself. Conscious inner transformation is releasing old belief systems that I held on to since my childhood. I learned these survival strategies decades ago and as an adult, they no longer benefit my current life goals, aspirations or help me become my true self. While isn’t been a difficult few years of creating a new inner narrative. Once I was able to release the old beliefs, strategies, and tactics, I was able to accept a new belief system based upon facts and not my feelings. 

Confused on what in the world I am talking about? I know it’s hard to explain without vocalizing my thought process. Here is an example of one of my biggest belief system that held me back from doing- anything new. 

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Do you resonate with this mental obstacle I had? I’d love to help you talk through your thoughts about yourself. You can schedule a FREE 30 minute clarity session with me! I’d love to support you in moving towards your best self. You can also download my free Ebook to help you look at your life from a birds eye view. Its a great first step to creating a more impactful life.

Unconditional Support

Last but absolutely not least, I am extremely thankful for my group of family and friends who have supported me this past year – and really my whole life.

First and foremost, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank you for never leaving me or allowing me to stray too far. Holy Spirit, thank you for knudging me towards things that I would not normally do and blessing my life (and my family’s lives) with so many wonderful people. I’m humbled by your renewing grace for and pray to be as selfless as you. Amen.

Thank you mom for being open and accepting of this journey of mine. I appreciate all the pep talks and words of wisdom you give me when I am at my lowest. Also thank you for being an amazing caregiver to dad.

Thank you dad for showing us what true perseverance looks like. Even at your most trying times, you have encompassed strength and determination.

Thank you to my sisters! I don’t think I would be who I am today without you. You have been my constant stream of support for as long as I can remember. While we are all living in different areas on the west coast. We still support each other with the help of technology. I appreciate you both sooo much and hope I make you equally as proud.

Thank you to my amazing friends, near and far! You have accepted me with unconditional support and open arms. I appreciate how you’ve put up with my crazy texting rants, uncontrollable tears, and loud laughter.

To my crazy bunch of kiddos, man you guys drive me bananas. Thank you for allowing me to grow along side you and figuring this mental health stuff out together. I pray your bravery heals your generation and the generations to come. Keep doing the right thing even if its hard. I love you guys!

To my church family, in California and Arizona, I don’t think I would have survived the last five years without you all. Your unconditional support, unceasing prayers, and tight hugs have given me the strength even on my darkest days. I appreciate each and everyone of you. I pray I’ve helped you just as much as you’ve helped me.

Last and certainly not least, my husband. You have picked me up off the ground while I’ve been in a puddle of tears. You’ve coaxed me out of bed on days when I wanted to disappear from this world. You love me despite the times I hate myself. I appreciate all that you do for me, for our family, and for yourself. I love you forever – and a day.

Moving forward

While I don’t want to share too much, I want you to know that there are so many things I have planned for 2020. More collaborations, more mental health talks, more real life struggles, and even more Jesus talk.

I hope you join me! I need all the help I can get.


Why: Serve

I became a Christ follower 20+ years ago. It was the best decision of my life. That is not to say that I have not experienced hardships in my life. In fact, I would never describe life as easy. However, believing in something bigger than yourself – a higher power, the universe, etc – creates a belief that there has to be a purpose for everything. My belief in a “higher power” is in our Lord Savior Jesus Christ. There are many instances in my life where there is no explanation than a divine intervention – God’s timing.

I have shared a portion of my testimony in my post, He Never Fails. I would love for you to read that to see a small glimpse of how Jesus has changed my life. I have experienced so much of Christ’s love, mercy, and compassion from others that I wanted to give others’ the same experience of His divine intervention by helping them meet, know, and follow Jesus.

But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give His life as a ransom for many. – Mark 10:43-45

To serve

For those who are not familiar with the term “serve” as it pertains to a church environment, to serve is to volunteer your time in particular ministry at the church you regularly attend. The amount of time you usually serve can be as little as 45 minutes as a person who greets guests to facilitating a bible study group, every week. Requirements for volunteering your time is usually a background check and a heart to serve. The beauty of serving is that there are many ministries in the church that need volunteers from the nursery to making coffee to greeting guests to keeping the campus safe. Whatever your interests are there is a ministry that would love for you to step in and show Christ’s love through service.

Our family has been serving at our home church from the moment we started attending. We knew that getting plugged into a church was high on our priority list especially since we were moving to a new area where we only knew one family. Joining the service team has allowed us to make friends, serve our local community through service projects, and most importantly, grow our faith.

Community

I currently serve in multiple ministries as a personal choice. Each of these ministries have helped me deepen my faith in Christ as well as cultivate relationships with other Christ followers. It also fills that part of my soul that always felt as if it was never satisfied until I found Christ and began to share my testimony. As humans, we are innately drawn to seek community and a deeper understanding of the big picture. Both of these internal needs can be met a your local church.

I serve on the leadership team for Mother’s of Preschoolers (MOPS) ministry, as a small group co-leader for a monthly meeting for Moms for Mental Health, and as a coach to small group leaders in the tween ministry. I also serve in multiple other seasonal ministries such as a week long summer church program similar to Vacation Bible School and the women’s Christmas event. Each of these ministries are very close to my heart as they were different seasons of my life that I really leaned on the church for guidance as a mom with lots of little.

These ministries allow me to share how Christ’s love, compassion, and grace has shown up in my life and the life of my family with those who participate in each ministry. Every time I have participated in a small group, local outreach or church event, my heart swells with thankfulness because I had met an individual who had never been to church before or helped pray for a mom who is just overwhelmed by her current circumstances.

Just show up

Are you interested in serving at your local church but don’t know how? Well the easiest way to start is to ask someone who serves there already or contact the office and ask. Chances are they will share their testimony of how serving has impacted their live in an extraordinary way.

One of the biggest commitments that comes with serving is just showing up. While it is absolutely normal to not want to attend church on a regular basis especially to serve a bunch of people who don’t know you, know that your presence is deeply needed week in and week out. Your unique testimony could help someone you greet or even talk with. This simple interaction can change the trajectory of their life and all you did was show up and be yourself. So just show up and see how the Holy Spirit will move through you to bless someone else’s life.

Remember – it is ok to not be ok. Tomorrow is a new day!